forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
