Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
