I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
