She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
