You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
