totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
