He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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