Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
