If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
