something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
