I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
