i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
