Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
