the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
