Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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