so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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