You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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