note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
