that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
