Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
