We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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