It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
