You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
