He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
