maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
