Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
