Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
