I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
