I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
