hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
