I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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