the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
