matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
