I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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