My sheets look like a crime scene.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
