I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
