Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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