my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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