the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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