One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
