you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
