Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
