The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Randomize
