The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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