he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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