I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
