Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
