Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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