and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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