SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
