I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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