my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
